the great paci debate

This week the Mr & I decided it was time to FINALLY take away the paci (we call a bobo).  I just have to get this out there and confess something because of my irritation and I hope it doesn't sound mean.

I really don't care what your thoughts are about her pacifier.

 As I sat and listened to my daughter cry for over 2 hours last night it made me think about all those people who gave me their opinions on her bobo. At risk of sounding very passive aggressive- I just LOVE unsolicited advice about MY child. I also love how people love comparing children and their lives.  No 2 parents are just alike and no 2 children are just alike.  And even when you have more than one child, parenting styles change because people grow and change... it's a part of life.  It really gets under my skin when people in the past made comments about how I should not have given my child a paci- even strangers.   I don't think people realize that the comments you make to parents are a form a peer pressure, in my opinion.  When you keep nagging people or asking people about the SAME thing- it's basically pressuring them to do something. So, let's not discuss how my child is changing, growing, learning... let's discuss yet again the paci.   (And let me just add, as a social worker, I'm not talking about "nagging" for things that are considered neglectful- there is a big difference.)

So last night, listening to her cry for hours, brought up some very difficult emotions for me. I wanted to send a message to everyone who has an opinion about my child and her paci- whether you support it or don't. I don't really care what you think about it- just support us regardless.  A big part of being a parent is growing with your child and learning about your child.  Maybe parents feel they don't know HOW to be parents because people are always telling them how to be the "right" parent.  I challenge you to take notice of people and you will see it.  You will see people offering unsolicited advice and making the parents feel shame and guilt.  Imagine if we just sat back and complimented everyone instead of criticized or nagged everyone.  As I type I can just hear everyone telling me how to do this parenting thing...

  

this is how I did it... 

                   when my child was her age... 

                                               oh i would never do that...  

                                                                            you need to say it this, not that way.... 

                                                                                                                 make sure you do it like this.... 

We will get through this paci thing.  We sent them off to the bobo fairy & she received some lovely Doc McStuffins doctor toys from the fairy; she slept only 7 hours last night instead of 10 but we will work through it... we will press on. I just needed to get that off my chest.  I'm not saying I don't appreciate people's opinions but I am saying- unless asked by the parent, just don't give advice or tell them HOW to do it...give support and encouragement.  I don't think that is a lot to ask for and I know I can find other parents who agree with me.  I'm sure it is not meant to discourage but it is.... you have to think- when I TELL someone how to do things for their child, I'm telling them they are not good enough.  I will also add if there is a time when I need help or guidance for my child and a situation (and we all know there ARE times) the only people I want to ask are the one's who I feel will not criticize, judge or belittle me.  So if you want to be one of those people... start ENCOURAGING and stop DISCOURAGING.